Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
