First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
