You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
