Nicole vs. Life
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Oh god it's open bar.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize