he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Panties = found
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
