Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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