Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
