3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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