So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
