Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
