I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
