I wish my penis had an off switch
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
