Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up under a house in Key West
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
