im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
