I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
