I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize