Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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