What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
