tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
