upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
