You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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