I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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