Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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