I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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