she was so not down for the gang bang
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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