can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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