You work out of a Hotel?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize