I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
