This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
