Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
