First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
