that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
