Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
