i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
