We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Couch. On fire.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
