i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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