2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
