I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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