If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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