who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
