at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
