he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
