I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
