first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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