you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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