Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
