So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Help. Why am I so naked?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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