Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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