there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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