woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
