Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
