My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize