You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
