Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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