Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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