i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
