I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
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