My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
