What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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