I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think my fart just growled at me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
