just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
