She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
