no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
