hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
