omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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