whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
