he told me I talked like a deaf person
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
