we have officially lost it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
