You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
where am i from again
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
