Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
