I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I know her cup size but not her name....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
