East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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