I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
not ubering you a puppy
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
