I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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