Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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