I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
