She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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