So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
