did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
