I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize