You don't have asthma, your pregnant
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
