I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
