Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
