I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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