So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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