he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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