I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
