you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
