wakey wakey hands off snakey
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
