just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
