i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
where does the pee come out of this thing
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
