Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
