she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
