Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
worst night to have a conscience
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
