____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
