it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
