Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
