Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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