office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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