1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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