Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
