She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
